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Happiness ^-^ [13 Nov 2008|12:58pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Siam Shade - Time's ] I have my laptop back ^-^ I picked it up today from Best Buy good as new... I'm super happy now. I was completely at a loss for what to do without it. In other news, I'll be going to my very first Ala-non meeting this coming Wednesday... hopefully it'll help me deal with my mother's drinking problem a bit better. I'm currently trying to think of ways to improve my life. I'd really like to get out more and make some new friends and get to know some new people. It's kind of depressing to just sit around all day and do nothing but watch TV. Problem is, because I don't drink and I tend to have a negative view of alcohol, I tend to avoid places that sell it, of course, those are the places most people hang out in. I've toyed with the idea of going into downtown Portsmouth and sitting with my laptop outside on of the little cafes and seeing if anyone has the guts to sit down and talk to me... but with my luck, no one would and I'd end up looking like an idiot (not that I don't look like an idiot already but still...). I've already gained a little more confidence for myself after having recently mastered being able to read and write the entire basic Japanese alphabet (consisting of hirigana and katakana)... I haven't quite gotten into kanji yet and am currently dreading ever getting there. I have mastered basic sentance structure too... I now understand the basic layout of Japanese sentances and have learned most of the particles. I'm still working on verb conjugation (and trying to take that as slowly as possible because it tends to make my head spin) and I just recently learned i-adjectives. The really great part is that I learned all that from a video game... gotta love the Nintendo DS. I think that's pretty much all I have to talk about for the moment. Ja ne! 5 pints of blood|feed the demon

Woes, Wonders, and Worries [09 Nov 2008|01:21pm] So, right now I'm at my dad's house and I'm bored out of my mind. I would normally be watching something on my laptop, however, that wonderful piece of machinary was rendered useless when I accidently left one of my headphones on the keyboard and went to close the laptop without realizing it. Naturally, the headphone cracked the screen and the lcd monitor died (the headphone didn't survive the encounter either). With the monitor of my laptop destroyed, I was forced to bring my beloved computer to Best Buy last Tuesday so they could send it out to get a new monitor put on... which will take about two weeks T-T. Needless to say, I am currently going through laptop withdrawal, thankfully I was rescued when my dad allowed me to borrow my old laptop until my new one is returned. Also, for those of you who care, I am now cured of Lyme disease. I took my last pill last Saturday. This Saturday I went to a surprise birthday party for my step-father, John. It was a rather amusing party and rather eventful as well. Three things happened that night that I thought I'd never live to see... 1) John actually being surprised (I had thought he'd have figured it out a long time ago what they were all planning for him), 2) John willingly slow-dancing with my mother (which I recorded on my cell phone given the fact it may never happen again), and 3) John singing karaoke (granted the song he choose only had two words in it and he missed the first one, but still...). Thankfully, my mother remained herself while DJ and I were at the party... though she was most definately drunk when she called me later on that night. Her drinking has finally gotten way out of hand and drastic measures need to be taken. A women I work with recommended I look up "alca-non" (?) and dad recommended the same thing later as well. Apparently they're a support group for families and friends of alcoholics and help them figure out how to help the alcoholic get sober again. For those of you who have ever met my mother, she's a wonderful person... when she's sober. When she's drunk she becomes a completely different person all together... kind of like Jekyll and Hyde (except without the homicidal monster). My mom has low self-esteem and when she's drunk it becomes even more apparent, she gets jealous easily over things that really shouldn't effect her so much. She calls my brother and I and tells us things we never need to hear. She claims we love our step-mother more than her and makes us feel guilty. Neither DJ nor I like to be around her when she's been drinking... she's no fun and we shouldn't have to deal with it. 2 pints of blood|feed the demon

[26 Oct 2008|05:28pm] Hey everyone, in case you were wondering, I am still alive. I can now move my arm a lot more than I could before. Still taking meds for my Lyme disease... but I only need to take it for another 7 days. In the meantime I'm trying to kill a serious case of writer's block, fight off a cold, and plan an anime veiwing/Halloween party for the anime group I run. I'm having everyone bring the first disc of their two favorite anime series then we're going to watch one episode from each disc. I'm providing disc one of Kyo Kara Maoh and Ouran Gakuen Host Club. It should be an interesting day. 2 pints of blood|feed the demon

Blah [06 Oct 2008|02:12pm] [ mood | tired ] I'm just batting 1,000 lately. First I end up with Lyme disease (and currently can't extend my left arm), then I catch a cold on top of that, now my leg hurts when I walk. I really really don't want to go to work today but I had to take last Thursday off so I could see a doctor about my arm and I really can't afford to take another day off. *sigh* I can't win. 4 pints of blood|feed the demon

Voice [08 Sep 2008|03:06pm] Lately, I've been feeling very... alone. Then again, I've pretty much felt like that my whole life. I say things, and no one seems to hear me... or if they do hear me, they only hear what they want. People think they know me, they think they know who I am, how I think and what I feel... when really, no one knows me at all. I'm never really happy and I'm always bored. I pretend to smile and laugh because people bother me when I don't. I want to be left alone but at the same time, I don't. I have this horrible feeling of not belonging. I feel like I'm in the wrong place... that I shouldn't be where I am or who I am... that I was meant to be born somewhere else and something went horribly wrong. I feel so wrong here... trapped. I keep banging and clawing at the walls of a cage I can't see and I can't get out. I feel like I'm just going to keep smashing against it until I fall down in exhaustion and die. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and no one hears me. People keep telling me that it's all in my head... that I'm just unhappy so I'm twisting it into this feeling of not belonging. They don't feel it... this horrible weight on my heart like it's being crushed or smothered. I feel like I'm chained to the bottom of a cave, staring up at the clear blue sky above me and seeing every hand and foothold on the wall that I could use to climb safely towards it, but unable to break the chains that hold me back. And no one seems to notice... no one tries to help me. They all stand there telling me that I should just give up and do this or that instead... I'm so tired of the sky being so high and so far away... I'm so tired of trying to fight my way free alone... I wish they would just listen to me. 1 pint of blood|feed the demon

Because I felt like it... [25 Aug 2008|02:40pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Charcoal Filter - Tightrope ] Have you ever... +Had a serious illness? Not really, just a 2nd degree sunburn once +Been happy about someones death? I wouldn't say happy, more like relieved...I don't like people dying but I can't say that I miss the person very much. +Killed an animal? I think I may have hit a squirrel or chipmunk once with my car +Been sexually attracted to a cartoon character? Not "sexually" attracted +Caused a riot? No +Taken part in a riot? No +Eaten a bug? Definately not, not even when I was little +Been on stage? Once or twice, most recently reading a poem I wrote and doing karaoke at Dad & Theresa's wedding +Joined a gang? No, I'm not that stupid. +Smoked? No, it's a dirty, disgusting habit that kills the people who do it and their loved ones...it's not worth it. +Drank? Nope, another disgusting habit that destroys your brain and alters your personality...again, not worth it +Stolen? Some cheap plastic jewelery from my Aunt once...it was in the play area and I knew they'd never miss it, but that was when I was little. +Used someone? Not to my knowledge, but if I did without realizing it, I'm sorry. +Wished to die? Numerous times. +Streaked? Nope, and I doubt anyone would be able to get me to either. +Stalked someone online? You can't actually stalk someone online, but there are people I check up on often. +Taken pills? Only when perscribed by a doctor...drugs are another worthless habit...I like by brain just the way it is thanks. +Take a survey? Yeah +Worked on a farm? No. +Ran half a mile? I don't run. +Juggled spatulas? Umm...no. +Recorded a rap album? No...I don't even like most rap. +Stayed up to catch Santa Claus? Never actually, not even when I was little. +Bought a bowling alley? No...if I had enough money to buy a bowling alley...I'd use the money to go to Japan instead. +Owned a zombie film? Nope This one's because I'm bored... 01. I miss somebody right now* [Jessica! Come back!] 02. I don't watch much TV these days* [Too busy writing fanfics and trying to improve my life.] 03. I love olives 04. I love sleeping* [Sleeping is my favorite sport ^-^] 05. I own lots of books* [Lots and lots of books, mostly manga though] 06. I wear glasses and contact lenses* [Both but I usually wear glasses 07. I love to play video games* [I adore Harvest Moon DS Cute... Skye is adorable] 08. I've tried pot 09. I've watched porn movies* [*sigh* I miss Twinkle Angel] 10. I have been in a threesome 11. I am a virgin.* [Relationships need to be based on more than sex] 12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy* [There are a few exceptions, but in general yes] 13. I have acne free skin 14. I supported John Kerry* [There were thinkgs I liked and disliked about him but he was better than Bush] 15. I curse frequently* [Probably more than I should] 16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year* [Definately] 17. I have a hobby* [Writing! Reading! Anime!!] 18. I am confused* [Often] 19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me 20. I'm really, really smart* [Everyone's really smart at something...not sure what mine is yet though] 21. I've failed a class* [A few actually] 22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to admit 23. I hate the rain 24. I'm paranoid at times 25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scarring 26. I need money right now* [I always need money] 27. I love Sushi 28. I talk really really fast* [If I'm excited or nervous, yes] 29. I have fresh breath in the morning 30. I have semi-long hair 31. I have lost money in Las Vegas 32. I have at least one Brother AND/OR Sister* [Unfortunately, I have a younger brother] 33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S. 34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis* [Everytime I take a shower] 35. I have a twin 36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past* [Fake nails but it was only so all my nails would be even] 37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.* [May the person who invented that wonderful device live a full and happy life] 38. I like the way I look sometimes* [Especially right now, I'm extreamly pleased with my new haircut] 39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months 40. I know how to do cornrows 41. I am usually pessimistic* [Read my poems... that should answer this question] 42. I have a lot of mood swings* [At times, yes] 43. I think prostitution should be legalized 44. I think Britney Spears is hot 45. I have cheated on my significant other in the past year 46. I have a hidden talent 47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have 48. I think that I'm popular 49. I am currently single* [Not that that's a bad thing... though it's not good either] 50. I have kissed someone of the same sex* [I actually have, yes] 51. I enjoy talking on the phone 52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants 53. I love to shop* [This only applies to book stores and Best Buy] 54. I would rather shop than eat 55. I would classify myself as ghetto 56. I love the dentist 57. I'm obsessed with Livejournal* [Who isn't?] 58. I don't hate anyone* [I may not feel comfortable around everyone but I certainly don't hate anyone] 59. I'm a pretty good dancer* [When in the comfort of my own room] 60. I have regrets 61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother 62. I have a cell phone* [And it's pretty] 63. I believe in God 64. I watch MTV on a daily basis 65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months 66. I love drama* [In books, yes... in real life, no] 67. I have never been in a real relationship before* [Not what I'd consider a "real" relationship anyway] 68. I've rejected someone before* [I felt bad about it too] 69. I currently have a crush on someone* [I definately have a crush on someone] 70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life* [My life calender is completely blank at this point] 71. I want to have children in the future* [Only if they're adopted] 72. I have changed a diaper before 73. I've been stopped by a cop* [For speeding and ended up with no license for a month] 74. I bite my nails* [It's a bad habit, I know] 75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club 76. I am not allergic to anything 77. I have a lot to learn* [Everyone does] 78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger 79. I love horror movies 80. I am very shy around the opposite sex* [When meeting them in person, yeah] 81. I am online 24/7* [Close enough] 82. I have at least 5 away messages saved* [The default ones just don't cover the intricasies of being Away] 83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before 84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past 85. I own the "South Park" movie 86. I have avoided assignments to be on Livejournal* [Only when I was positive I'd still be able to get them in on time] 87. I love chinese food* [Chicken and Broccoli ^-^] 88. I enjoy some country music 90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza* [Their pizza is definately on my 'best' list] 91. I overanalyze* [Everything] 92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist 93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career 94. I am addicted to something* [Anime, manga, writing, the comupter...the list of narcotics goes on and on lol] 95. I wish I was taller 96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy/get a costume* [Candy's always a plus] 97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it 98. I have dated a close friend's ex 99. I've broken a bone 100. I have thrown up as a result of alcohol 101. I have snuck out of my house before* [Once when I was seriously considering running away] 102. I'm happy as of this moment* [As happy as I can be at this moment anyway] 2 pints of blood|feed the demon

More Getting Yanked Around At Work [21 Jun 2008|12:16pm] [ mood | annoyed ] I am so annoyed with my work right now... you have no idea. Perhaps I should explain exactly what has been going on these last two weeks. The Monday before last, as some of you know, I was transferred, without notice, to Telephone Inquiry. Naturally, I was pissed. The rest of that week I had training and I complained often to people in my training class and people I usually talk to at work. That Friday, our unit manager, Lisa, came back from maternity leave and we talked to her. She asked what we thought of training and I told her it was "boring as all hell". Then she wanted to talk to me alone about my negative feelings towards the department. I was under a lot of stress at the time and it had been such a sudden move and I was getting frustrated with one of the people in my class that I just had no time to think about and process everything. I kind of got upset and cried in her office (she claimed yesterday that I had been yelling which was a load of bs... I never once raised my voice while in that building). Anyway, so that's how I ended that Friday. Then the following Monday (this past Monday), I was sitting in my training class, trying to learn something when my old unit manager from DR, Jamie, walked in and said he wanted to talk to me. So I got up and followed him to his office where he proceeded to give a lecture about my attitude and how I couldn't leave TI and that I need to just suck it up and get used to it. So I did. I stopped complaining (out loud anyway) and I tried to just get used to being there. So I started to get excited about trying it and starting to think "alright, I can do this." Then last night, I went into Lisa's office to ask if she had a headset that wrapped around the ear instead of the headband ones (which keep sliding around on my head), and she tells me that they filed paperwork to send me back to DR... without even asking me if that's still what I wanted. After lecturing me about how I HAD to at least try it and get used to it, they go and try to send me back. It just pisses me off that they go and tell me one thing and then do another. It just completely pissed me off. I told them that they told me I had to try TI so when they called me in to ask me whether I wanted to go back to DR again or not I told them I wanted to try TI... that I finally wrapped my mind around being there, I've settled in to being there and I'm going to do what they told me to do and deal with it. 2 pints of blood|feed the demon

Updates [13 Jun 2008|10:17am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Vamps - Love Addict ] So, I'm still stuck in TI against my will. Luckily, because of my dislike of talking on the phone, they aren't making me go onto phones yet (they were planning to get us all on the actual phone within the next two weeks, but I'm an exception). I picked out my alias and everything but I don't understand half the stuff I need to be able to find out or where to look for it so supposedly we'll be going over that today. I made myself a list of questions I want to ask. Now, getting off the subject of work, I just finished watching the first PV of Hyde's new endevour Vamps... I really liked it. I definately like the song more than the video but Hyde makes an adorable vampire and he was getting friendly with the mic at one point (him and his habit of sticking out his tongue). Anyway, for anyone interested, I'm posting the video below. The song is called "Love Addict" and it's by Hyde and Kaz's new group VAMPS. feed the demon

A Bad Night At Work [10 Jun 2008|10:31am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Sound of the A/C ] Alright, most of you know that I had a wonderful three-day weekend last weekend. I took Friday off to go to Jessica's graduation but it rained so the graduation ceremony was held indoors which meant I couldn't go -_-'. I ended up spending most of the day out shopping with Theresa and then her, dad and I went to Jerry's in Sanford for dinner while DJ was working. On Saturday I got up at 7:00 am so that I could meet my mom at John's house at 8:00 and the two of us went to Long Sands beach in York. For the first few hours we were there, the fog was so thick we could barely see the ocean. We were just about to leave around noon when the fog cleared and the heat came. While we were sitting there, a photographer from York's local paper came by and took our picture (I whined to mom because I had my camera and was taking pictures myself and she had told me I wasn't allowed to take her picture). Sometime around 1:30 we started for home. We stopped to get ice cream at Angie's (a local ice cream shop in South Berwick near where one of my aunt's lives). Then we went to John's. Later that night we went outside and sat around. Just as it was getting dark Melissa and Lisa, John's lesbian neighbors came over to hang out. They're really really nice and I enjoy talking to them. Melissa and I connected instantly through a mutual love of Japan, Melissa actually lived there for five years from when she was 2 years old to when she was 6. My mom told Melissa I was a writer and now she's vowed to do all in her power to get my story published. I hope she succeeds, it'd be nice to see one of my books on a bookstore shelf after writing for so long. After talking for a while, we decided to light off fireworks... that was awesome. Then Melissa and Lisa headed home as did Kirk (John's other neighbor...he'd shown up to light off the last few fireworks) so I ended up heading home too. On Sunday I kidnapped Jess and her and I hung out in dad's pool... that was interesting (ne, Jessica?). I introduced her to the live action drama of Hana-Kimi... so many pretty boys all in one show ^-^. Then we went to see Kung Fu Panda and had a blast watching that. In fact, we pretty much at a blast all day... from swimming to the movie, to just sitting around talking in the movie theater (I am apparently chopped liver by the way lol). So, after having such a wonderful weekend, I was fully prepared to have an equally wonderful night at work (well, as wonderful a night as I could have at a job I hate) and was actually in a good mood for once. So I sit down at my desk and get all my stuff ready to go... stack my NCIC cases ready to qualify them and then Shaun comes over. Shaun used to be one of the team leaders in DR3 but she was recently promoted to assistant manager. Anyway, she comes over to my desk and tells me Jamie wants to talk to me. Now, I've been behind on my number quota recently and I would have made it last week if it hadn't been for the fact that name check's didn't run and I was unable to qualify eleven of my cases. So I figure Jamie's calling me in to talk about that so we get to an office he's hijacked in PC (Packet Control) (his real office is in DR5 so I have no idea what he was doing in PC but that's where he was). So I sit down and he goes, "You've been transferred to Telephone Inquiry." My good mood packed it's house up and moved to Guam. Those of you who've known me a long time, know that I hate talking on the phone. In fact, I loathe talking on the phone... to anyone. So, taking that into consideration, I was not happy to hear about my transfer. So Jamie asked me what I thought about it, and I told him, "I won't be good at it." and the bastard snapped at me "You won't with that attitude!". I tried to explain to him that I get anxiety attacks when I talk to strangers on the phone and I don't even talk to my family and friends on the phone unless I have to. His reply was simply, "You're going and there's nothing you can do about it." So Shaun led me out of the office and informed me that I took that news the best out of the three of us (us being myself, Natalie, and Jennifer). Apparently, Jennifer was the most upset by it. She found out the same day I did and she yelled at Jamie (which is probably why he snapped at me when I gave a negative response) and she was crying. I was pretty much numb to the whole situation. I briefly mourned the fact that I can never listen to my iPod at work again, but that was the extent of my outrage and the fact that I had such short notice. I was moved immediately after leaving Jamie's office and didn't even have time to pack my stuff until around 12:20 am and even then I forgot my nameplate so I have to go back to my old desk this afternoon and get it. I spent the first half of my time in TI reading their exeedingly boring manual, a big chunk of which is basically a paraphrased version of the DR manual (because a lot of TI's calls are centered around the forms we processed in DR). Then after lunch I got to sit with Pat (who was in my training class when I started at the NVC) and listen to her take calls. That was pretty interesting. I think I get to listen in to calls again for the first half of today and then I go into training for the second half. I need to pick an alias, we're not allowed to give our real names when we answer the phone. I'm not sure yet what I think of TI and I'm not sure if I'm going to like it there or not. I'm thinking of applying to be a team leader there though because TL's get paid more and I'm good at explaining things to other people so I think I'd be good at it. Anyway, that was my night... hopefully this one will be better (but I'm not betting on it). 1 pint of blood|feed the demon

Not So Quick Update [29 May 2008|02:13pm] [ mood | good ] [ music | DBSK - Hi Ya Ya (this song is addictive) ] First off, I finished the fourth book in Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas series... Odd Hours was such a good book. It was a little different from the other three books, but it was funny and interesting either way. I found out last night that Jamie (my boss) is moving to DR5 because Laurie (boss of DR5) is moving to be the day manager of CMR/Packet Control. This means that I'm getting a new boss and right when I'm about to enter into diciplinary action for not making quota. Jamie knows that I'm a fast processor, he knows that I've never had a problem hitting quota before, and he knows that no one has been able to figure out why I can't make quota... I'm not sure my new manager is going to understand that. I made over quota last night but that was because we did alot of FE cases and those I can hammer through really fast, it's appointment cases I have issues with. My dad informed me at lunch today that his pool is up and running and ready to swim in. He said the water is still a bit foggy but that it should be clear by tomorrow. I can't wait to go swimming again... it'll definately help me on my road to getting in better shape. The Wii Fit is working out better than I could have hoped. I work out with it every day and not only have I lost weight but I've also improved my balance quite a bit. There are still a few things I have to work on improving. I wanted to work out longer this morning but I went to lunch with dad and tomorrow I'm going to lunch with mom. I'm doing my best to do at least an hour of exercise per day, to eat better foods, and to not eat anything after 9:00 pm (because according to Wii Fit, stuff you eat after 9:00pm is more likely to turn into fat... and that's the last thing I need. I'm not working out for the sake of how I look (though that is a definate bonus), I'm doing it to be healthier and to feel better about the shape I'm in. Oh, if you drive in Maine, I'd suggest getting off the road soon. DJ just sent out for his driver's test. I pity the poor person he's going to be riding with when he takes it too, he nearly killed me last weekend (quite literally). That reminds me, my car needs a bath. It's covered in pollen and isn't looking as pretty as usual lately. Now I have to go and call mom and find out what time she wants to meet for lunch tomorrow and where she wants to eat. I'm kinda in the mood for Chinese but I'm also in the mood for Japanese... great, now I have a craving for chicken agemono and green tea ice cream... I guess I'll have to talk her into Japanese. *looks through avatars* I think I'll change these soon... maybe later tonight when I get home I'll start replacing them. feed the demon

Boredom Strikes Again [28 May 2008|02:45pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Saiyuki - Hakkai no Theme ] So, today was pretty boring. I read and answered a few reviews to my Gravitation fanfic. People have been wonderful about reviewing each chapter, mainly because I threatened not to release the next one until I got at least two review... I'm thinking of uping it to 6 reviews. I'm also working on The Nightwalker... turns out the chapter I thought I had written and posted was just in my head so I had to rewrite it from scratch. I hate when I have dreams that seem like actual days -_-'. After that I played Wii Fit for an hour or so, did my usual work out on there. So far I've spent at least an hour a day on it for six days in a row... hopefully I can keep it up. I'm thinking of expanding my exercise routine to include jogging or bike riding or something. I'll be expanding it to swimming soon, hopefull dad's pool will be clean and everything by the time I go over there this weekend. I really miss swimming and nothing is a better workout. After my morning workout, I folded some clothes. I was going to do dishes but I don't really have a drying rack or anything and I don't want to have to take the time to dry every individual dish one at a time... that'd take forever. I'll just have to ask dad if he still has the dish rack from my last apartment somewhere in his garage. In other news, I still hate my job. I'm not making quota and no one, myself included, can figure out why. I'm going as fast as I can but when you have 12 derivative children on a case and you have to go through all their birth certificates, all their passports, all their forms, having to make copies of everything when all the copiers are broken, then having to put every paper in a certain order and having to update 50 doc statuses... it's impossible. Our quota is 34 appointment cases in 7.5 hours. It's not hard to do that many cases in that amount of time, the trouble comes from doing 34 cases a night and only being able to count 10 of them that day. We have these namechecks that have to run before we can qualify certain cases and we have to wait a day for them... this means that of the 34 cases I do in a night, I can only count 10-15 of them. We get to count the namecheck cases the next day, but if you have 10-15 namechecks and you do another 34 cases the next night and can only count 10 of those, it looks like you only did 25 cases. It's a really stupid system, and it throws off how long each case took you to do, so it'll look like it took you 7.5 hours to do 10 cases when it really didn't. It's very frustrating and it's been stressing me out a lot. I don't like having to worry about quota, I want to do my job correctly and as quickly as possible. Quota just gives you a reason to freak out and worry. It'd be wonderful to have someone to come home and complain to at night... I kind of miss not having a roommate sometimes. I don't think about it too often though, I'm content with my life as it is at the moment... I'm happy. I've learned through the years that if you're not happy when you're alone, you can never be happy while you're with others. You can't put your happiness in other people's hands. So I'm happy as I am, but that isn't going to stop me from meeting and getting to know some new people. I've already met one or two interesting people. If something comes from one of these new friendships, wonderful, if not, I have some new people to drive to insanity. I'm happy either way. feed the demon

In love with a song... [28 May 2008|02:33am] [ mood | touched ] [ music | Saiyuki - Alone ] I was listening to my iPod at work today (as always) and the second ending theme for Gensoumaden Saiyuki came on... the song itself is extremely moving (even though I can't understand the lyrics). When I got home I decided to look up the translation and now I love the song even more. I like it so much, I'm sharing the translation with you Alone A dry breeze is blowing The city is getting cold I wonder how many seasons have passed Without even a sound? All of the people coming and going Bear heavy burdens, Searching for tomorrow Within the heat-haze wavering in the distance Feelings like sand Falling through my hands... Back then, the words that pierced my heart Suddenly started to throb with pain, but... I've searched for pieces of myself, Counting the endless nights all the while. These feelings are becoming so certain I almost lose myself. Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far. I wonder, why is the sky So vast? Even though I tried to yell, my voice didn't come And the tears poured out. I wonder where the birds are flying off to, As they freely slice through the wind? One can't return to the same place As it once was in days gone by. Even if I give up my dream like this, I won't suppress my soaring heartbeat. Someday, I want to draw close To the height of those clouds. I'll spread wide the wings in my heart and journey once again I will reach it, without fail. I've searched for pieces of myself, Counting the endless nights all the while. These feelings are becoming so certain I almost lose myself. Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far. feed the demon

Short Update Before Work [20 May 2008|03:00pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Kyo Kara Maoh R - Romantic Morning ] I just finished posting Chapter 6 of my newest Gravitation fanfic The Fight for Uesugi Eiri. Basically it's about Eiri ending up in a coma and coming face-to-face with Yuki Kitazawa and Shuichi going into a coma after him... then it all gets more complicated from there. I should probably start writing the next chapter of The Nightwalker... I left it in a bad place (major cliffhanger). I know what I want to happen next, I just don't know how I want to write it. I hate writer's block. I was hoping my new book would come in the mail today... I pre-ordered Dean Koontz's Odd Hours which is the fourth book in his Odd Thomas series. It is by far the best book series I've ever read (so far anyway). I wanted to have it to read at work but it's looking like it won't get here in time... I guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow *sigh*. I really really REALLY don't want to go to work tonight... then again, I never really want to go work. That place is so constricting and boring... it's horrible. The only think I like about it is the paycheck and I only get that every two weeks. Oh well, I got a new laptop out of there so I might as well put up with being there a little longer. feed the demon

It's Been A While [15 May 2008|10:28am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | None because I don't have any on my laptop yet ] Wow, it's been quite a while since I posted anything on livejournal. As usual, there's not really anything new happening in my life lately. The only things of major interest are that I got a new laptop yesterday (another Toshiba that's got an extremely large monitor, really kick-ass speakers, and a built-in webcam) my old laptop has been reformatted and my dad's going to buy it off me for $250. My mother's going in for knee surgery tomorrow. She already had knee surgery because she hurt herself while trying to play soccer like an 8 year old. Unfortunately, the pin they put in to hold her knee in place was defective and was recalled sometime after her surgery, it caused a cist to grow around her knee so she has to have surgery again to remove it and to replace the defective pin. Luckily, the company that made the pin is paying for every surgery-related procedure and they're paying for the surgery itself. This is a very good thing, especially since my mom lost her job a few weeks ago and has yet to find a new one (not that she can really find a new one yet anyways because she won't be able to work for three months after the surgery). Dad and Theresa are busy making plans for their wedding in August. They're turning it into a wedding/family reunion and are hoping that my Uncle Frankie and Aunt Cathy will make the trip up from Florida for the occasion (they moved to Florida before I graduated high school and DJ and I haven't seen them since). DJ's currently on a 6 month informal probhation due to his and my cousin Travis' utter stupidity. Now I'm off to finish re-installing everything important on my new laptop. Ja ne. P.S.: Jen, I looked through my picture folders and couldn't find any Death Note movie pictures so I'm going to look online ASAP. 4 pints of blood|feed the demon

Paycheck Troubles, New Anime Addictions, and Cosplay Ideas [28 Mar 2008|02:35pm] [ mood | creative ] Well, my place of employment fucked up my paycheck again. The week before last SI took 444.00 out of my paycheck without telling me leaving me only $594 something for my bills. I got it fixed and they were supposed to put a refund in my current paycheck (the one I got yesterday) but they sent the $444.00 to a bank account that wasn't mine so I'm once again having to go in an fix it. Hopefully I'll have the money in my account by tomorrow. Monday I went to Best Buy and picked up the first DVD of Blood+ and I am now officially in love with it. For those of you who don't know, Blood+ is the continuation of the anime movie Blood: The Last Vampire and Hyde's song Season's Call is one of the opening themes. My favorite charaters are Saya and her servant Haji... I especially adore Haji. I've decided I'm definately going to cosplay for next year's Anime Boston... I might even enter the Masquerade. The only character I'm definately cosplaying is Farfarello from Weiss Kreuz. I'd love to get a group together and do a big group cosplay but I'm lacking friends to drag along with me. I'm hoping I can get my anime group to join with me. In the meantime, here's a list of characters I'm thinking about cosplaying... if you have one you'd really like to see cosplayed leave a comment and tell me which one. Also, if you'd like to cosplay a character in Weiss Kreuz with me, let me know... the more the merrier, ne? Cosplay Ideas: Sailor Uranus/Haruka Tenoh - Sailor Moon (If I learn to sew and lose weight I might try for the sailor fuku on this one, otherwise I'd be plain-clothes Haruka) Saya or Haji - Blood+ Conrad or Gunter - Kyo Kara Maoh Kira/Lucifer - Angel Sanctuary Tsuzuki - Yami no Matsuei Soubi - Loveless Count D - Petshop of Horrors Ito - W Juliet Yuki or Puppy-outfit Shuichi - Gravitation Lantis - Magic Knight Rayearth Kaname - Full Metal Panic! Hatori or Akito Sohma - Fruits Basket Kohaku - Spirited Away Ororon - The Demon Ororon 4 pints of blood|feed the demon

Anime Boston 2008 Pictures [26 Mar 2008|01:16pm] [ mood | excited ] Here they are, the pictures I took during Anime Boston 2008. ( Cosplayer Pictures ) Next I'll be putting up a short video clip of the 18+ Anime Dating Game. 2 pints of blood|feed the demon

Anime Boston 2008 [23 Mar 2008|11:17pm] [ mood | sleepy ] So here's the synopsis of Anime Boston 2008. I would have posted during the con if internet access in my room hadn't costed an arm and a leg so I apologize for the delay and pictures and video will be posted no later than Wednesday night. Saturday: 8:30 am: Dad picked me up and we went to the C&J bus terminal on Pease. 9:30-ish am: Arrive at Boston's South Station and took a taxi to the Marriot Copley Place Hotel 10:00 am: I took my place in line to get my pre-registered badge. 1:30 pm: I got my pre-registered badge (yes, I waited in line for over 3 hours but the non-pre-registered line had an 8 hour wait). Needless to say I missed the Japanese Tea Ceremony panel. 7:00 pm: Went to Fanfiction panel and was not impressed. 8:00 pm: Got in line for the 18+ Anime Dating Game 10:00 pm: Got third row seats in the Anime Dating Game with an unobstructed view of the stage and had a wonderful time. Sunday: 9:30 am: Was rudely awoken by my father for no reason whatsoever then headed out for breakfast. 10:00 am: Wandered around in the dealer room and bought the following: 1 Loveless cellphone strap, 1 Keiji (Panda Bear from Kyo Kara Maoh) cellphone strap, 1 Gravitation messenger bag, 1 poster of Hyde, 4 yaoi manga, 1 solar powered statue (must see to understand... it's very cute), 1 yukata with obi, 1 pair of tabi socks, and 1 pair of wooden sandals (which are surprisingly comfortable). 11:00 am: Met up with Theresa, DJ, and Dad and wandered around taking pictures and going swimming in the hotel's pool. 4:00 pm: Went out to dinner at P.F. Chang's in the mall. 5:30 pm: Got in line for the Masquerade (Cosplay Contest). 8:00 pm: Was seated in the Main Events theater (which by 9:00 pm had more attendees than the Pillow's concert had earlier that day with still more people wanting to get in. 9:30 pm: Contest started... it was amusing to the nth degree and absolutely hilarious. 11:30 pm: Got back to hotel room after Masquerade and had room to myself for the night. I took a shower and promptly sat in bed reading my new manga. Sunday: 2:30 am: Laid down to go to sleep, probably didn't actually get to sleep until about 3:30 am. 8:30 am: Was once again rudely awoken by my father this time under the pretense that Theresa wanted to leave by 9:00 am. 8:45 am: I'm sitting the elevator area dressed and packed ready to go while the rest of my family who felt the need to wake me up at such an ungodly hour dawdled until 9:15 am. 10:30 am: Got home and unpacked only to repack so I could spend tonight at my dad's for Easter. 11:00 am: Went to see my mother for a bit. 2:00 pm: Ended up at my dad's where I am currently. Again, pictures and video will be posted hopefully by Wednesday night if not sooner. feed the demon

Anime Boston Preparation [19 Mar 2008|03:13pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | L'Arc~en~Ciel - Drink It Down ] So, only 2 days left before Anime Boston. Today I went to their website and made myself a schedule of panels I really want to attend. Friday: Japanese Tea Ceremony JRock Revolution Fanfiction 18+ Anime Dating Game Saturday: JRock Shinsengumi Anime Dating Game Concert Masquerade Sunday: No set panels, probably wandering around the dealer room I will be taking along me digital camera as well as my laptop and external hard drive so I can upload and store my pictures and video after each day. The videos will be posted on youtube and livejournal and the pictures will be posted on livejournal and myspace. If anyone's read the Anime Boston website and wants pictures/videos/details from any specific event, please let me know and I'll do my best to get something for you to look at/watch. 2 pints of blood|feed the demon

Videos [18 Mar 2008|01:51pm] I decided to upload some videos for anyone interested in watching them. The first is of the regular kendo class at my dojo sparring, the other two are AMV's, enjoy! feed the demon

In Loving Memory of Peggy Forbes [12 Mar 2008|01:38am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | X-Japan - Forever Love ] Just before I left for work today, I checked my e-mail. In hindsight, I wish I had waited to check it until after I got home, instead I had to go to work with the knowledge that one of my William Arthur co-workers passed away on Monday. Peggy Forbes worked in Order Entry at William Arthur, she was funny and very kind. She was always willing to help me out whenever I asked her a question, even when she was busy. She was amazing when it came to cooking or gardening or crafts, all of which she shared with us at one point or another. The people in Order Prep were like a second family to me for 2 years... and Peggy was a member of that family. I thought of her as a friend and, though I didn't know her as well as I would've liked, her death saddens me a great deal. I'd give anything to be back at William Arthur right now to help my friends there through this and so that I'd have others to grieve with. Peggy, you are dearly missed. feed the demon

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